Secret Admirer
by DMM
Summary: Oneshot. After finding a note left by his secret admirer, Balthier begins searching the streets of Rabanastre for this woman. Will his secret admirer be the sexy bombshell he always dreamed of? Or something totally different?


_**Secret Admirer  
**_

It had been two years since Balthier had finished off Vayne with a bullet to the head. He was once again on a treasure hunt. The treasure was to be found in the great city of Rabanastre. This treasure, however, was special. This treasure was a woman who was in love with Balthier. She had left a note on the passenger seat of the Strahl, a note that gave directions to the place she was to be found.

Balthier stood in the middle of the Muthru Bazaar, wondering why the woman hadn't appeared. "The note said to wait for her here," Balthier muttered to himself. As if on cue, a stunningly beautiful woman came out of a near by building, and began walking towards him. Balthier's jaw hit the floor when he saw her. She was by far the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Tall, smooth tan skin, shiny brown hair, an outfit that was even sexier than what Fran always wore, and a deadly rifle strapped to her back. "I think I'm in love," Balthier whispered to himself.

"Are you Balthier?"

Balthier hadn't heard the woman speak to him. He was too busy thinking about how awesome having a _"good time"_ with this woman would be.

"Balthier? Are you okay?" Balthier looked as if he had been hypnotized.

"Are they real?" He had spoken the words without thinking, earning him a painful slap from the sexy femme fatale.

"You disgusting little perve! What's wrong with you!?"

Balthier, whom had been snapped out of his stupor, yelled back. "What was that for!? You dress like that and still expect men not to ogle you?" The woman once again back-handed Balthier. "Dammit! I thought you was in love with me!?" What was this woman's problem? Had she lured Balthier out here so she could beat him up? Was she a bounty hunter?

"Idiot! I'm not your secret admirer! I was hired by the person to give you this letter! Take it and leave, you scoundrel!" The sexy bombshell walked hastily back to the building she had come out of, pushing an unfortunate Seeq to the ground along the way.

"Bah! I wouldn't want a girl like you anyway!"

The girl heard Balthier's rude remark, and yelled back. "Bull! You was practically undressing me with your eyes!"

"There's not much left to undress, considering that outfit you're wearing! Besides, why would I bother doing that when I can undress the girl I'm going to get with my bare hands!?"

"Oh yeah? Well, I hope _it_ rots and falls off!" With that, the woman slammed the door closed, crushing the big toe of a poor Bangaa who happened to be walking through the door as well.

The woman's last comment had stunned Balthier. "Never once have I heard such a rude and vulgar comment spoken by a lady." He glanced at the note that had been given to him. He unfolded it and read the message:

_Meet me at the Sandsea. I'll be waiting, baby._

Balthier folded the note back up and shoved it into his pocket. "I hope I meet the real person this time." He casually walked over to the transport Moogle. "Moogle, teleport me to the Sandsea."

"Look, mister, I have a name. It's Guu. I'm the younger brother of Gurdy, the Moogle that rents out Chocobos."

"...Your name is Guu?" Balthier tried his best to hold back laughter. "Okay then...Guu. Teleport me to the Sandsea."

"Sure thing, mister."

A few seconds later and Balthier was standing beside the Sandsea. He walked into the bar and was immediately halted by a giant of a man. Balthier glanced up at the seven foot tall Hume. The bar's bouncer was equipped in a full suit of plate mail, and strapped to his back was a massive battle axe. From the scowl he wore on his face, Balthier could easily tell that this man was pissed off.

"Are you Balthier!?" The bouncer yelled loudly, drawing the attention of every patron in the bar.

Balthier wasn't sure if he should answer truthfully, or lie about his identity. This man seemed to possess a lust for his blood. Balthier decided to risk his life. "Yes," he replied with shaky voice. "I am Balthier Bunans-"

"I don't care about your last name!!! Your secret admirer told me to give you this note! Take it, and get the hell out of this bar, you bastard!!!"

Balthier noticed all of the patrons had anxious looks on their faces. They were probably hoping for a fight. "Did I do something to anger you?" Balthier had never met this man before. Why was he so angry with him?

"You're tracking muddy water all over the new rug, you idiot!!!"

Balthier glanced down at his feet and then at the bar's entrance. Right outside the bar was a mud puddle that had been caused by last night's storm. "Oh! Sorry about that. I'll be leaving now." As soon as he left the bar the door slammed shut behind him. "So much for meeting my woman in there..." Balthier unfolded the new note. It read:

_The time has come, Balthier. I await you behind the Sandsea with open arms, my love.  
_

This was it. The time had come, as the note had stated. He took a deep breath, and then walked into the alleyway behind the Sandsea. The alleyway, however, was completely empty. "Where is that woman?"

"I've been waiting for you, Balthier."

Balthier's secret admirer stepped out from behind the dumpster. When he saw who it was, his jaw hit the floor and his eyes became wider than dart boards. "What the?" Balthier was in complete shock.

"Balthier, I have something to tell you. I've been wanting to tell you this for a while now, but..." The secret admirer noticed that Balthier's expression had gone from one of shock and surprise to one of complete anger. "Oh, Balthier, don't be angry. I love you, Balthi-" Gurdy the Moogle was cut off mid-sentence as Balthier's fist slammed into his face.


End file.
